fixation (german: fixierung) is a concept in human psychology to denote object relationships with and attachments to things in general persisting from childhood into adult life.
neon genesis evangelion, dir. hideaki anno (1995)
Carefully hidden in the background of these stillscreen shots from End of Evangelion are sketches of Misato, Asuka, and Rei in various sexually-fueled scenes – Misato reading a newspaper, Rei toweling off her hair, Asuka lying down, Misato bending forward, Asuka running to school, and a depiction of menstruation – from Shinji Ikari’s perspective.
Rei doesn’t know emotion, so there’s no difference between what she says and feels; there’s nothing ulterior about her. At first glance, then, you may theorize: this is where her very great beauty comes from, from her surface, without depth, but with the absence of its necessity – someone truly mystical.
No. Rei’s beauty comes from the truth that she has feelings. When she cried, it meant the waters of the pool were coming out at last. The struggle to draw feelings forth, the reconciliation between your surface and your depth – that, I believe, is when we truly become alive, truly become human beings. And when I found the warmth beneath the coldness in Rei’s words, I synchronized with her for the first time. And it felt so good and I want to say thank you, from the bottom of my own heart.
What I learned from meeting a girl who didn’t know (1996, Megumi Hayashibara; translation by William Flanagan and David Ury)
The mountains, the heavy mountains. What changes over time. The sky, the blue sky. What eyes can’t see. What eyes can see. The Sun, a unique object. Water, what is comforting. Commander Ikari. Flowers, so many of the same kind, and so many unnecessary. The sky, the red, red sky. The color red. I hate the color red. The water flowing. Blood, the smell of blood. A woman who never bleeds. Man who is made from red soil. Man made from man and woman. The city; a human creation. Eva; a human creation. What is a human? God’s creation? Is man manmade? The things I possess are life and soul. I am a vessel for a soul. Entry plug; the throne for a soul. Who is this? This is me. Who am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? I am myself. This object is me. This is the me that is seen, yet I feel as though I am not myself. Strange. I feel as though my body is melting. I can’t see myself. My shape is fading. I feel the presence of someone who is not me. Is someone there, beyond this?
rei’s poem / episode 14
To think people discredit the legitimacy of kawoshin because of the lack of obvious sexual attraction between them takes me aback. That is the whole reason WHY kawoshin is so real and important and why shinji is so head over heels for kaworu
Throughout the whole series shinji is put into sexual situations. He is mocked and harassed for not experiencing sexual attraction i.e. them making fun of him for not wanting to bang misato, assuming his want to understand rei is because he wants her. He gets teased by adults to be more sexual (i.e. misato and then kaji in the rebuild which /:) and is constantly put in a sexual eye by asuka because of her own conditioned views of sexuality. He is surrounded by it and confused by it and hes obviously uncomfortable but he also seems to be frustrated that being close to someone must mean something sexual and it confuses him further
Then kaworu comes along. Kaworu doesnt expect any of this from him. They sit together naked and its nothing sexual. They just hold hands. They sleep together and its not sexual. Shinji feels for the first time he can open up to someone. Kaworu just loves him and showers him in affection. They learn and talk together. Theres nothing sexual there but thats what makes it so special. Its why shinji is so happy. Hes surrounded by this push to be sexual and he finally founds someone who will love him and not necessarily want that. He found someone who helps him understand that he can be loved regardless of that. Kaworu loved him without any conditions
yikes. this is an ugly post, and we need to collectively move beyond this line of thinking, asap
newsflash: people don’t discredit the legitimacy of kawoshin because “it wasn’t obvious enough” or “there wasn’t any sexual attraction” - people discredit the legitimacy of kawoshin because of the wonderful intersection between homophobia and misogyny. people discredit the legitimacy of kawoshin because they are obsessed with het ships; they are obsessed with asuka; they are obsessed with shoving asuka into het ships that sanitize and make her complacent, especially with the boy mc who has tremendous power over her, the boy mc who has tried to kill her twice, the boy mc who barged into her hospital room, saw her emaciated and comatose, and demanded that she help him despite of it, the boy mc who deliberately locked her hospital room door before masturbating to her body. people discredit the legitimacy of kawoshin because they are obsessed with the ‘de-bitchfiying narrative’ by which asuka, The Red Devil, is knocked down a few pegs. if you’ve ever read evageeks or other asushin-dominated spaces it becomes evidently clear that shipping asushin for asushinners isn’t so much about not finding “merit” in kawoshin – they don’t care if kawoshin was “subtle” or “overt” b/c it literally does not matter to them. they’re homophobes. – rather, it’s about asuka, and their obsession with asuka fulfilling the perfect waifu role, with shinji
but how interesting that this whole second paragraph conveniently neglects/erases the fact that shinji was pervasively objectifying+sexualizing asuka (and rei! and misato!) throughout the entire show. did you forget wall of jericho, where shinji lingers at asuka’s breasts before responding? (but shinji doesn’t act like kensuke and toji do around misato, so that must mean he doesn’t sexualize her, uwu!!) or when asuka falls in his bed and shinji ogles at her breasts before attempting to kiss her in her sleep? (but asuka forced him into that uncomfortable situation, uwu!!) or the entirety of eoe, where it’s revealed that shinji is deeply repulsed by overt displays of sexuality on part of asuka+misato but secretly gets off to them, because he objectifies them, because shinji cannot comprehend the fact that women can be more than a mother, a madonna, or a whore? where shinji yells at asuka, misato, and rei (yes! even rei!) for not attending to his needs while his subconscious projects smiling, placated, and most importantly naked images of asuka, misato, and rei gazing at him fondly in the foreground? ‘men/boys feeling uncomfortable w/ “female sexuality” whilst simultaneously objectifying them for it’ is a classic misogynist cocktail - i.e the boy frustrated at patriarchy who copes by retaliating against women - this theme resurrects itself in evangelion (and other works) over and over and over again
but is this all just… not mentioned because it taints smol birb infantilized fandom shinji? because it attacks the dominating narrative that vilifies asuka, the very same narrative that paints her as an abuser and/or “equally complacent in the asuka-shinji abuse”, the narrative that claims asuka levies power over shinji and not the other way around?
and of course shinji and kaworu can sit, bathe, and sleep together sans sexual objectification from either side – shinji loves kaworu. kaworu is the only character in the show shinji loved and respected. like, that’s the whole point. shinji, like all boys under patriarchy, objectifies girls/women as a desperate vie for control. shinji does not feel the need to exercise power over kaworu because they are equally matched, their love is equally matched. c+p’ing this to underscore:
Specifically, it is important that Shinji takes to Kaworu immediately and how Kaworu’s Position as being a boy affects the way Shinji receives him.
Shinji’s sexual assault on Asuka in EOE is 100% motivated by Asuka being a girl and Shinji being a boy, and is about power and overpowering someone who is more vulnerable than you. & When you truly, truly look at who Shinji has the power to hurt the most, it all leads to Asuka. He objectifies Asuka, he sexually abuses Asuka in the hospital room, he strangles Asuka twice. The way that Asuka protects herself verbally as a defense mechanism is contrasted with the extremely violent ways that Shinji seeks power over her.
These events do relate to Kaworu, too, because who immediately resolves to forgive Shinji and encourage Shinji to forgive himself for whatever sins he may have committed? The thing with that is that it’s not exactly Kaworu’s place to do that, but Asuka’s.
i am so tired of these infantilizing metas that implicitly suggest shinji’s assaults on asuka are not shinji’s fault, but asuka’s, metas that obscure and shove context neatly under the rug. shinji is an incredibly complex character, and he’s one of my personal favorites, but yikes. yikes. yikes.
“rei or asuka?” really baffles me because they’re presented as inverse contrasts in the show, and you can’t really derive any concrete analysis or understanding of their characters by taking them in separately. you have to examine them together through a comparative lens – their backstories, how they view themselves, their respective methods of coping/internalizing neglect and validation (or lack thereof). this goes for literally every single character in evangelion, but rei and asuka are most prolific for the grossest and most nauseating reasons.
when people say they like asuka more than rei for “x” reasons or visa versa, to me that’s just another gauge of how badly they missed the point.
more thoughts on this. i don’t believe in the idea “if you like asuka more you like rei less”. it’s interesting how both rei and asuka suffer disproportional amounts of bodily harm in the show but the emotional focus/concern rests solely on shinji (both in-show and fandom).
asuka and rei’s dynamism plays out in how they interpret and react to their their “maternalness” and “materialness”: rei, contemplating on never becoming a mother (which is complicated by her connection with yui and lilith) - and then asuka, who hates menstruation, hates the idea of having children (complicated by her forcible rejection from her mother; rei is removed from motherhood in the bodily sense but closer “spiritually”, while asuka is the inverse)
then there’s rei and materialness (corporeality) vs the soul, how rei can’t retain memories after each resurrection (memories being connected bodily, stored in the brain), but she possesses base latent comprehension of emotions and relationships (as these are stored in the soul) – how rei morphs through bodily trauma and repeated physical resurrection, and then transcends corporeality completely, because rei is rei without a body. this is in contrast to asuka, who marrys her entire identity to her body, tries to find validation in the body, presentations of the body. when asuka’s body and her ability to use her body crumbles, asuka crumbles. rei grows/transcends with each instance of bodily trauma while asuka regresses/ebbs with each instance of bodily trauma.
asuka and rei compliment each other so beautifully in their characters and i love them both so much.
i am so disgusted by the fact that so many people take ayanami rei’s genuine development, multilayered complexity, struggle with an abusive caretaker, existential conflict, genuine difficulty with expressing emotion and socialising due to an isolated and artificially rigid upbringing, and acceptance of an inhuman origin even whilst validating a very human identity - and transform rei into a generic, childlike moe archetype that does not know or understand anything beyond humbly accepting orders from a master
